Several members of my “Heal The Hurt” Facebook support group have contacted me recently telling me that they’re either living with, married to, or raising children with their abuser, and that going “No Contact” is not an option for them at this time.  And while going no contact is always the best option to heal from a toxic relationship, as it not only keeps you from further abuse, but it also allows your body to release the toxicity that you have been exposed to, there is another option you can use to minimize the negative effect your abuser is having on you. And knowing that several of my readers here are also going through the same kinds of issues, I thought I would share that option here as well… It’s called going “Grey Rock.”  The Grey Rock Method is a technique that allows you to reduce the amount of toxic…

You Don’t Have to Set Yourself on Fire to Keep the Other Person Warm ~ M One of the biggest reasons your abuser chose you as their ‘target partner’, is because they perceived you to be a kind, generous, and selfless person.  But, unlike a “normal” person, they weren’t looking for these qualities because they also have them, and want a partner who will appreciate and share them. Oh no… A serial abuser is looking for these qualities in a target so that they can later exploit them, when they’re doing things they know they shouldn’t. They don’t want to have to make an effort to “fix things” with a take-no-crap, kind of person, as that would be too much trouble.  No, they want someone more easy going and empathic, so that after they’ve neglected, lied to, or cheated on them, they won’t have to put in much effort to…

Narcissistic Personality Disorder SUCKS! It’s the kind of disease that not only effects the host, but can completely destroy almost anyone who tries to love them. It’s also a covert disease, as it can be very hard to identify, unless you get extremely close to the person who has it. And, by the time you’re in that deep, they’ve usually already identified you as “narc supply”, and unless you jump ship at the first yellow or red flag, you are in for a bumpy ride.   And, don’t think just because you broke it off, because they weren’t treating you right, that they’re just going to let you go. Oh no! They’ll do things like claim they’ve been diagnosed with a “disease” (like cancer or diabetes), or that they want to put your kid on their sports team, to pull on your heart strings, and keep you in their life.…

This morning as I was getting my son ready for school, a thought “caught” me. Mind you, it wasn’t a new thought, but rather it was one of those thoughts that I took in, and processed at a deeper level. You, the state of your life, and ALL the things in it, are what you’re settling for… Whether it’s the food we eat, the way we exercise our body, the way we making a living, or the relationships we cultivate/- each choice is what we’re willing to “live with” in the moment. Now, in the areas you’re happy with your experience, this is GREAT, because it means you’ve adjusted your beliefs or energy to match your desired reality. But, in those areas you’re dissatisfied, or even unhappy, it means you’re settling for less than what your spirit knows you can create. So, how do you make it better? Well, rather…

Do you struggle with needing to be perfect? Do you think if you are you’ll receive more love, money, validation, or acceptance? Would being “perfect” allow you to look down upon others who may not be as perfect? Or give you some kind of moral authority position that feeds your ego? No matter what what you currently believe, the desire to be perfect comes from a deep longing to be loved and accepted/- and not feeling worthy of receiving it in your current position. When we feel unworthy of love, respect, or validation, we often develop a deep-belief that… “If I was more perfect, in whatever way I think I’m lacking, then people will love me.” Which, when believed long enough, creates a toxic inner world, where we’re never enough/- and life becomes difficult and chaotic. When you realize that you are loving and lovable, just the way you are,…